Your Resident Lesbian
by Princess Gothica Vampira
Summary: A bet was made and a Lesbian the prize. Sasuke dressed as a girl to hook up with the resident Lesbian. At first he's only in it for the money but he see's how cruel the world can be to Lesbians. No flames! SasuSaku! Full sum inside. Review and get cookies
1. Lesbian The Bet AND Prize

_Resident Lesbian_

X.X.X

A/N: Emerald i do NOT aprecciate your little PM flame on my profile. But thank you for pointing out that i spelt 'lesbian' wrong.

Chapter One: A Lesbian Two Doors Down

(Also this has part of the first chapter in it! Sorry. XP)

X.X.X

Hey you guys i heard that the Mega-Hot Lesbian two doors down just got dumped by her Girlfriend Ino! Think i got a shot?" A quite odd fellow was looking out his friend's window. He had blond hair and deep blue sea eyes that usually held confusion or just nothing. Exactly what was going on in his head. Nothing.

"Does the word **'Lesbain'** mean _anything_ to you Naruto?" The owner of the voice was non other that Sasuke Uchiha. The man who owned the apartment. Let's just say he was _touchy_ when it came to his neighbor. The man sitting- or rather _sleeping_ next to him was Shikamaru Nara.

His hair was pulled back into a high pony tail that made him look like a pineapple and was usually asleep. He is currently dating Temari Subuko. But she ain't important right now. A man with white eyes gave a rather irritated sigh and bonked Naruto on the head. He muttered a 'baka' before reading his book 'Acceleration' (I'm readin' it now it's REALLY good!).

His eyes made him look blind and he's been mistaken for a woman once or twice with his long chestnut hair. It was kept in a very low pony tail and he always had this cool Ora(Sp?) around him. It's as if he was born like totally cool. Now the lesbian was non other than the supper hottie, Haruno Sakura.

Her eyes were a deep emerald and she has _perfect_ pale skin. And when i type perfect i totally mean it. Her hair is a rather long pink and her ass is _so_ fine! But it's _nothing_ compared to her knockers(Yeah i sound perverted but you know!). Suddenly the blond boy, Naruto got an idea for once that _didn't_ involve committing a crime.

"How about we make a bet! The first guy here to date the Lesbian gets um... Just let me check my wallet..." He rummaged a bit and pulled what seemed to be a six month old ring pop, _dirty_ _socks(What the hell?), _a pen with a chewed off cap and a five dollar bill covered in tape. Sweat drop.

"What? It ripped!" The three--Shikamaru kinda just snored-- rolled their eyes and each held out 200 dollars(I'm sorry i live in Redding, CA and have NO clue how that Yin crap works!). Well Neji kinda pulled the money from Shika's pocket but hey he's in the bet now! The men tossed each hundred into a hat that just happened to be on a table. It would be a real challenge getting Sakura Haruno-- AKA the super-mega-hottie-lesbian to date them.

"Alright so who wants to try first? Also! There ARE some rules!" (I'm just going to list the rules if you don't mind)

1. You may NOT tell her about the bet at ANY costs!

2. If she finds out on her own your out!

3. You may NOT pay her to date you!

4. Please DON'T hire a slut to dress as her and pretend to date her! (O.o)

5. Um... just follow the rules!

"SO ARE WE CLEAR ON THE RULES!?" Once again Naruto's poor poor head was smacked. "Shut up dobe." Sasuke calmy stepped on Naruto's back and voted the Hyuga(Is it Hyuuga or Hyuga?). Shika kinda made a chocking noise(Probably because Neji had fallen from shock and just so happened to land on him), Naruto gave a weak thumbs up and Neji just kinda sat there. Slowly Neji nodded his head.

(BTW i SWEAR this will be SasuSaku! Remember Sakura is lesbian possibly bi and shows no interest in men((Well not YET anyways!))

"Good tomorrow sometime between three and eight you're gonna show up at her door with those little chocl-argggg..." Naruto started to drool and soon fell to the floor were he was bathed in spit. Ew. Sasuke bent down and once again stepped on him. Deciding to get back to the matter at hand he handed four walkie(Is it walkie or walki?) talkies to everyone(Shika had recently woken up due to the fact that he could not breathe).

Everyone seemed to get the idea and promptly left. Neji with a bored expression, Shika a 'troublesome', and uh Naruto? He _somehow _got out from under Sasuke's foot and ran on down to Ichiraku's._ 'This bet could be fun...' _Sasuke grabbed his remote and clicked to '_Boiling Points'_. It was an episode where- You know what? I'll just type it out! (Also if you've never watched it then um... Watch it!)

_(Boiling Points) _

They explain the rules and the camera shows a blond haired teen with blue eyes. She's been waiting for her bag for about a half an hour. 20 minuets longer than it should take.

"Where is my bag?" The 'manager' could see the anger and malice in her eyes. "C-calm down m-" "I WILL NOT CALM DOWN I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A HALF AN HOUR GOD DAMNIT! YOU WILL NOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!" _**Beeeeeeeeep**_! She was one minuet away too! "Hey miss. Here's your bag but i want you to turn and face that deer hat to your left. The girl turns and just stares.

"Say hello to the camera! You're on _Boiling Points_!" (Which i do NOT own). The girl blushed madly-

Click! Sasuke turned off the t.v. suddenly he didn't feel like watching his favorite show. The sound of a bell reached his ears and he slowly--almost reluctantly got up from his place on the hard couch and opened what the damned manager called a door. He was about to say; 'i don't want any go away' before he saw his neighbor smiling up at him. Her pink hair gave her away and so did her emerald orbs.

"Can i borrow some sugar?" How could anyone say no to that cute, innocent, face with the puppy eyes? He nodded and led her inside. She was seated on his cherry wood stool. He noticed that her eyes darted to T.F Simon's painting "Nude Girls At Sea". (Okay i don't know the REAL little but I'm close right?) She smiled.

"I have a painting by him too. Your apartment is very nice Mr. Uchiha." She continued on till the end of a hall where a painting by Picasso. It was "Blue-Nude" (I think?). She personally was a fan of Picasso. She was interrupted form her thoughts as a small little kitten pawed at her pale leg. She let our a loud 'Aww!' and picked him up. He was a black cat with white socks and a white and gray mask.

His eyes were a deep black and his tiny little tongue licked her nose. She giggled before setting him down again and returning to the kitchen. By now Sasuke had the sugar out and was pouring it into a bag that Sakura had so kindly brought. He was tempted to ask her out but then he remembered it was Hyuuga's turn. And besides to get with a lesbian you have to think like one(Okay i _really _don't have anything against them! Just sayin')

"Um. Thanks! Maybe we can have a girl's day or something? Not that I'm calling you gay! I just- well okay! How about a night out on the town as friends?" She sheepishly rubbed the back of her head and laughed rather oddly. He kindly declined saying something along the lines of 'work' and bid her goodbye.

Suddenly the phone rang.

"hello?"

Heavy breathing...

"hello...?"

"I LOVE YOU SASUKE-KUN!"

"How'd this chick get my number?"

Then outside his door was a line of...

**Fan girls.**

(Gasp!)

* * *

It's mega short but I'm meeting a friend at... 6:00 and it's like 4:51 and with traffic it's going to take FOR EVER. Also I'm lookin' for a beta reader! He/she MUST pm me soon for i can not spell. I just wanted to update today! Also if I'm going too fast then let me know _kindly_.


	2. Neji And Lesbian's DON'T mix

_xX Your Resident Lesbian Xx_

A/N: Ello! This chapter will be Neji's offer for a night out. Once again i do _not _have anything against Lesbians!

--

Chapter Two: Neji and lesbians _don't _mix.

Disclaimer: If i really owned _Naruto _I wouldn't be writing fanfiction. Nor would i be a teenage girl but rather a Japanese man.

--

"Naruto-baka! _What the hell_!" Once again this peaceful morning was ruined by our four favorite boys. It was too early for Naruto's antics. It being only 1:00 P.M. Neji had some time to kill. So why not hang around our little Emo king? Today Shika just had to bring her. Temari had to be the biggest bitch throught Japan(Sorry Temari fans!). Why was Shika dating her? 'She's not troublesome' he would say.

How the hell is she _not _troublesome? Whatever... She had blond hair tied in four wicked pony tails, a black mini-mini skirt, a white shirt that said 'What ya want biotch?' in olive green letters. Her eye shadow was a dark green that was complimented with olive green liner. Her lips were a pale orange and she wore combat boots. She was a little scary when pissed off and doesn't like kids much.

"Shika-kun! Can we _please _go?" Shika new that when Temari used _please _it meant she was pissed, tired and wanted to leave. He nodded and led Temari out of the apartment complex and left. And so the usual 'teme' and 'dobe' was tossed around by the emo king and the ramen lover.

"Don't call me Dobe, teme!"

"Don't call me a teme, dobe."

"Don't call be dobe you homeless hobo!"

"Hobo?"

"Yeah you homeless hobo homosexual!"

"Shut up dobe!"

"SHUT UP NEJI'S MAKING HIS MOVE!"

Apparently the author made a small time skip and- "Stick to the scritp you damned author!" "-sigh- fine!"

Apparently their discussion (cough argument cough) wasted a few hours. Sasuke shoved Naruto out of the way and sighed. Neji attempted to look as gay as possible(Explanation at end) and miserably failed. His hair was spiky well somewhat. He put on black eye liner, black skinny-_skinny _jeans, a tight black baby-tee, and chains hanging everywhere. All in all he looked like a total mess.

_'So he's going to pretend to be gay and get a date with her... My plan is so much better' _

_**'Dude! Is that Hyuuga?'**_

_'The hell!? I thought i got rid of you...'_

_**'Nope sorry. So anyways who's that fine piece of meat?'**_

_'Sakura Haruno'_

_**'Even her name sounds hot!' **_(God this is so hard to freaking type!)

_'She's a lesbian'_

_**'WHAT!? Damnit...'**_

Sasuke watched in amusement as Sakura opened the door three inches before trying to close it. So Neji scared her too?

--

"Erm.. Neji? Aren't you- Why are you dressed like that?"

_'Okay so i failed at _looking _gay... i can still act like it right?' _Neji placed his hand on his hip rather oddly and clicked his tongue. "C'mon sweetie you need some new clothes." His voice was girly and high pitched. Sakura placed her hands over her now bleeding ears. Sakura's right eye twitched. 'Where did Neji get those clothes?' Her emerald eyes flashed in annoyance before she smiled a little.

"Erm.. Neji i don't really think tha'd be a good idea. And um next time you visit me please don't put on make-up." Her last sentence came out as a squeak and she managed to successfully close the door. Defeated, Neji walked past the window flipping the two laughing male's off. No money for Neji! Naruto started giggling like a drunken German (I'm German and freak callers out with my giggle!) and grabbed some smarties.

"S-Sasuke-teme! We have to call everyone up!" Naruto grabbed him iRamen and punched in two phone numbers being able to call two people at the same time. Cool huh?

**Shika**

Neji

_Naruto_

_Sasuke_

_'Shika! Since Neji failed miserably who wants to go next?'_

**'No way. Not me! It's too troublesome.'**

'I didn't fail miserably. I just failed.'

_'Please Neji you looked like a homeless gay!'_

'I say Uchiha's next.'

**'I agree...'**

_'Do i get any say in this?'_

All: NO!

So it was agreed. In one week Sasuke Uchiha would ask Sakura Haruno out. It was then he realised that he'd need to buy things for his 'date' to work.

Then something accoured to him. He'd have to shop for clothes in the girls' section.

Oh the horror.

* * *

A/N: Muhahahaha. I made it short and i didn't feel like giving Shika and Naruto a chance of gettin' Sak. Neji failed miserably and Sasuke must buy girls' clothes. I want you all to know that i'll be changing my pen name to Princess Gothica Vampira! Yay! It's like 12:46 A.M. and i'm tired as hell. Just for an extra laugh here's a recent convo between me and pizza guys.

**Me**: Hello? Is this Pizza Guys?

**P.G**: Yes.

**Me**: Are you male?

**P.G**: Ye-

**Me**: I LOVE YOU LET'S SMEX SOME PIZZAS!

**P.G**: _Click_.


	3. Author note AND A SPOILER!

(A/N: _Le_ _gasp_! I am SO sorry! Muhahahahahaha! So yeah i got grounded...for reading fanfiction and typing the next chapter till 3 A.M. Also i now have strep throat. Honestly! How in the world did i get that!? Anyways... I JUST got my damned medicine and the pills are FUCKIN' huge! Also i am SO pissed at Sasuke.

Warning the following in bold is a spoiler if you have NOT read the latest Naruto chapter.

**I can not fucking believe that Sasuke has killed possibly the HOTTEST guy in Naruto! Well besides Kakashi but still. -.- Guess what? Now Sasuke wants to freakin' destroy Kohona! What the hell!? I'm stickin' to fanfiction now... **

Okay so if you read the bold and didn't know that then...IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT THAT YOU READ IT! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO! Also I'm cussy when i'm PMSing, pissed, or just plain tired at 5 A.M.

I'll update soon i guess. -.- MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I AM _SOOOOO_ HIGH OFF AIR!


End file.
